Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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