i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
