Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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