So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
