What did we do last night that was yellow?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
