My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
