Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
