ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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