I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
