i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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