Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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