I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
zippers are such a cool invention
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
