Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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