Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
