I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
