Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
