My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
