I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
