i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
