Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
