I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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