We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
