Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i think my cat just said my name.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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