I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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