i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
