Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this boner is exhausting
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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