I saw his package. It spoke to me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
