I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
