The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
