You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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