The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
