Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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