She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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