He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
