She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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