he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
