What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
