It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
