forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
