There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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