Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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