hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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