Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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