My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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