Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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