Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
