Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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