Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
