Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
