Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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